Text and the City

Ok, so now I remember why people get married!!! Dating is too much work! I'm exhausted! You have to be so organized. You have to look good all the time! You have to have witty things to say, and laugh at their jokes. You have to have fresh breath in the morning and smell good all the time. This is serious work! You have to remember what outfits you wore and with whom! In retrospect, I should have made it easier on myself, and wore the same thing with each date. For date one...black dress. Date two...green sexy dress. Date three...jeans and low-cut shirt etc.
But the most important thing ladies...is that you have to remember what you've said to each guy and not get them mixed up. They don't like it when you say things like "So you were in Japan for a while, so was I..." and they say: "No, I've never been to Japan before." Right, sorry about that. AWKWARD!!!
Or when you run into someone you know on the street and you introduce them to your "friend", and it takes you two seconds too long...to remember their name. In those two seconds he knows that he's not the only guy taking you out these days. Again kind of AWKWARD!!!

I'm currently involved (in one way or another) with three guys. I've had sex with two of them, and I'm not going to have sex with the third because that's way too trashy-even for me. One has to go before I introduce the third into my life that way.

Like I've said before, dating has changed since I was last on the scene. Things are so complicated now. The other day, I received text messages from all three of them all day. It is so hard trying to keep three separate conversations going at the same time! Thankfully, they have such different personalities that so far I haven't slipped up. Mr. Trouble is easy because he's always got the sexual innuendoes in his messages. I've got him figured out.
The other two guys, take more work. I haven't even gotten to them on the blog yet. All I'll say, is that they're both Asian...which is a new thing for me! For some reason, I don't know why, I've never dated an Asian guy before.

To make things easier for myself, I usually start all the conversations pretty much the same way, and so at first it's fine because I'm asking them the same questions and they're basically giving me the same answers. Then the conversations go in different directions. Like I mentioned with Mr. Trouble...it always goes back to sex. With Asian Guy #1-whom from now on, I'm going to call: Mr. Volleyball (I will blog about him soon). He and I have so much in common and we truly have a great time together. Our conversations are great. No effort is needed to keep them going. He makes me laugh all the time. I get excited when I see a text from him, because I know it's going to be sweet. We might actually like each other.
Asian Guy #2-whom from now on I'm going to call: Mr. Serious is a bit harder. He always brings the conversation back to his work, which I don't find all that interesting. (I will blog about him soon as well).

Mr. Volleyball and Mr. Serious have the same initials. Both their first names start with "J" and their last names start with "L". So naturally, they are right next to each other in my contact list on my phone. I can't tell you how many times I've had a slight panic attack thinking that I've just sent a text to the wrong one. I swear my heart stops for a second every time. Something's got to give, because it's just a matter of time before I screw up and get caught.

We text each other all the time, and yet we rarely speak to each other on the phone. At first I thought that it was kind of strange to talk that way instead of actually 'talking' to each other. But, now I think that in some ways it's more freeing. Some people don't like to talk on the phone, and are therefore nervous. This way, there are no awkward silences, and you have a moment to think of something sexy or funny to say. I am much more bold when I text them, than when I talk to them on the phone. For example, one of them jokingly asked me if I would let him eat a piece of cake off my belly. I responded: "That depends on whether you plan to use a fork or your tongue"!!! I would never have the guts to be so bold on the phone.

It's funny when you actually speak to them for the first time. You've had this idea in your mind through the conversations online, what they're like, and so when you hear their voice for the first time, sometimes it doesn't match your idea of them. I immediately liked the sound of Mr. Trouble's voice, and I also loved the sound of Mr. Volleyball's voice. They both matched my idea of what they would sound like. Mr. Serious however, didn't match. I haven't blogged about him yet, but online and in his text messages, he seems very passionate and intense. So, when I heard him talk the first time, I was quite surprised because he didn't sound that way at all. Plus, he was so boring to talk to on the phone. I was so confused about him, because we would have such great conversations online, and yet he seemed so flat on the phone. But, like I mentioned before, some people just don't like to talk on the phone.

When Mr. Volleyball and I decided to meet and go out for the first time, he actually said to me, before he called me to discuss what we wanted to do, that he hoped that I would like the sound of his voice. I laughed and said that I'm sure that I would. So when he called me, he purposely put on a really silly squeaky voice as he said hello. I laughed, and then he spoke to me with his real voice. I instantly liked him.

Texting is just one element. Then there's MSN. Now that is really tricky. It's not easy having three conversations at the same time on MSN. Plus, I'm now also trying to hide from a few guys that I added to my contact list...like "The Kid" who still doesn't get it! So I'll be online talking to one of them, and then another one wants to talk. Plus then, "The Kid" will initiate a conversation. After half an hour my head is spinning and I feel so guilty. But then, I always have to remember that most likely, they're doing the exact same thing! None of us have said that we're 'exclusive' and so...this is just how you play the game. It's a real game alright. In fact, it's kind of a full time job, and I'm not sure I'm cut out for it! I don't like lying. But you have to. You can't tell someone that you're also seeing an awesome Black guy who makes your toes curl when you're together...right?! Just like I wouldn't want to know who Mr. Volleyball is with when I'm not around. We've all agreed to lie to each other. This is how it works. It's a little bit crazy, but my eyes are fully open, and I take everything they say with a grain of a salt.

Even though we're all on the same page, I still feel pangs of guilt about seeing more than one guy at a time. I keep having to remind myself that this is actually ok, and that it is what I should be doing right now. I haven't found anyone that I would want to be 'exclusive' with yet, and so why not play the field? I don't need to feel bad about seeing more than one guy.

Would a guy feel bad?

"Your Honour, I rest my case"...

Cougartown

So I'm online one evening and I notice that I've got a new message. I click on his profile. "Wow, he's cute" I think to myself, and then I notice his age...
The message says "Hey where is this so-called cake?"
I email back "I'm not very good at sharing...but I'm working on it."
He then responds "Awww...not even one bite?"

Let's just call him: The Kid.
I think to myself, "well, he initiated the conversation, so why not?"
He's 26 years old!

Now ladies, let's discuss for a moment the term "Cougar".
Is there an age that you hit...say 45, when you're then considered a cougar? Or is it the age difference between the two of you that makes you a cougar? Yeah, I thought so too. Damn! I'm a cougar!

Immediately I can tell that we have some differences. He likes to snowboard. No seriously!
Last year I went tobagganing with my nephew, and I had a bruise on my butt for three weeks! That hill was slick. A sheet of ice really...very dangerous.
Instead of saying yes, he says "yuppers". LOL! What am I thinking?
He goes jogging every morning with his dog Comet. I think about jogging (sometimes) as I'm hitting the snooze button.

He's nice though, and he calls me sweetie. He says that he loves art, cooking and travelling. At least we have that in common, right?!

After talking one night on MSN, he asks me if I'd like to meet him for a drink Friday night. I say yes. He lives in the West and I live in the East, so we decide to meet in the middle. He suggests a nice area that's not too far from me, and says "Let's meet there around 10:00." I'm spotting another difference...usually I'm in bed by 10:00!! I think I can make an exception this time.

So we leave it at that, and I don't really hear from him that much...the odd text here and there. I'm thinking to myself "Wow, I don't really know very much about this guy at all." He never really talked about himself that much, like what he does or if he lives alone or has roommates. Then I think to myself..."What if this guy still lives at home?" Is that possible? I moved out of my parent's place when I was 17 to go to university. These days, 30 is the new 20...so now I'm not sure.

Cougar or no cougar I cannot date a guy who lives with his mother! That's ridiculous!
But I can't bring myself to ask him.

Ok, so now I'm thinking back over our conversations. I remember once he said that he was "taking the day off work to go up to his cottage to close it down for the year." Ok, so he didn't say "I'm taking the day off school" that's good.
One night he told me that he was making pasta. I remember because he said "yum yum" in the message. This guy is young! What am I doing?

What the hell! He's cute. Plus, more than anything I'm just so curious as to why he'd be interested in me...a 35 year old single mom. Then I think, "what if he never really looked at my profile" maybe he just looked at the small part (that you then click on to see the rest). Perhaps he just thought that I looked cute, and didn't really read further. Then I think, hmmm, he's never asked me about my son.

I have a feeling that this date is going to go terribly wrong.

Or...maybe he has a thing for older women. Ladies, we'll just have to wait and see.

Date Night:

He tells me that he'd like to meet in Yorkville, which is a trendy part of the city, and not too far for either of us to get to. So, I think "Hmm, maybe this guy has potential after all". He says that he's going to text me where to meet. I say that's fine.
So I'm getting dressed and this time, I feel that jeans are more my style being that he's a younger guy. So I choose my sexiest jeans to wear. I think for a moment about whether I should wear my Issey Miyake perfume...perhaps it'll be too much for him! Oh, well, I'll wear it.

I get his text, and he wants to meet at this sports bar/family restaurant. Usually, I leave the names of the places out, but ladies, this time I'm going to include it for full impact: Jack Astor's.
What? There is no way that there's a Jack Astor's in Yorkville. No way! So I Google it. It's not in Yorkville at all! It's close-by, but still. I have a bad feeling about this.

This time, I'm in no rush to get there. The weather is foul. So I decide to take a taxi. Even still, of course, I arrive exactly on time.

He's waiting with a drink at the bar. He's here before me. Hmmm. He sees me right away, and comes over to meet me. He's really tall. I like his clothes and he's wearing cool shoes, but I know instantly that I'm not attracted to him.
He goes in for a kiss on the cheek and we sit down at a table. The table has brown paper on it, and a plastic cup with crayons (for the kids). Oh man...Toto we're not in Yorkville anymore...

He never stops talking. He's one of those people who doesn't like those little moments of silence that natural conversations have. He just talks and talks and talks. In fact, I think this cougar makes him slightly nervous. I should eat him for my appetizer and then move on.

But no, I sit there in awe of how much he can talk about himself. Now he's talking about how he's unsure as to what direction he wants his life to go in. I think to myself "This is why my 'dating search' is strictly between the ages of 35-40. I know what I want,and I want the guy to know what he wants too. I have no time for this!

It's only been an hour and I'm looking for anyway out.

He works in retail, but is thinking of getting into photography (cheque please!).
He wants to be a wedding photographer! OMG. Why am I here? Well, I know why I'm here! I should have known better.

So I decide to give him some advice. I'm giving him career advice, what a hot date! I even tell him that I'll put him in touch with a friend of mine who's a professional photographer. That way, he could ask him what steps etc. he took in becoming a photographer. I just want out of this date.

I switch to water...and he still doesn't get the hint. He orders two more beers...and tries to kiss me over the table twice!
Finally I ask him about why he 'smiled' at me, considering that I'm older than him. He says that things like age don't bother him. I tell him that I never would have found him because I don't search for people his age, and that I'm not really interested...
He wants to know if I'd like to go to his cottage sometime.

Ok, have I been speaking in French this whole time?! I just told him that he basically has no chance, and that is what he says!

I tell him that he's a nice guy, but I'm just not interested because we're in two different stages of our lives and I'm looking for someone who has their life in order.
He wants to know if I'd like to go to a hockey game sometime because his family has season tickets. Still not getting the message. I thank him for the date and say that it's time for me to go. He says he'll talk to me tomorrow. Fine.

Just not getting it.
Maybe I should have taken advantage of the crayons on the table and drawn this guy a picture.