Ciao Bella

Ok, so I was online one night and I noticed that I had received an email from a single dad. The title of the email was "Ciao Bella". Hmmm, an Italian guy. I click to view his profile. He seems normal enough. He's 40, has two boys that he sees on the weekends. He's got some nice pictures up on his profile. One of him next to a motorcycle, another one of him with a buddy on a beach somewhere. What strikes me the most about him though, are his eyes. He's got beautiful blue eyes.

Let's just call him: Mr. Espresso

So in my mind, I have constructed a bit of a "wish list" of what I'm looking for in a man. One thing, in particular that I would really love is a guy who can speak more than one language. I love languages. I speak English and French. In the past, I've studied Spanish and Japanese. I have always wanted to learn Italian. I adore Italy. I love Italian cinema and of course the food. Everyone knows that the best way to learn a language is in bed. What I mean by this, is that when you date someone who speaks another language, you can't help but pick it up quickly. Plus you want to! Your verb tenses might not be the best, but you can talk to someone on the street and have a decent conversation! That's really what matters.

So immediately, one of the first things I ask him is whether or not he speaks Italian. He's fluent!!! Yes!!

Ok, so now I've got to figure out what kind of Italian he is...because that could make it or break it for me! Is he: A: "massive home in Woodbridge, golden furniture Italian?"
or B: "espresso-drinking, nicely tailored suits Italian?"
or!! is he C: "still lives at home with his mother Italian?"....all very different!

I'm discussing this with my hairdresser who is taking a break from the online dating scene for a bit. She just starts to laugh when I tell her that the latest guy is Italian...she says to me: "You're like the United Fucking Colours of Benetton!!" She thinks that despite whatever 'type' of Italian he is, that I should give him a chance because he's a single dad and so we have that in common. I agree.

So, Mr. Espresso has a blackberry, but he's not online (msn etc.) like the other guys, and so he often text messages me, and we also (shock of all shocks) talk on the phone. He sometimes text messages me in Italian...which I absolutely love!! For all I know, he's telling me that he's about to pick up his dry cleaning! But, in Italian, it sounds sexy!!

We've had a few good conversations on the phone. His life seems a bit complicated at the moment, although he insists that it's not. He separated from his wife six months ago, which to me, seems a bit soon to be out there dating. He insists that it's been over for so long, that it's not really an issue for him. His wife lives in the GTA with the kids. He has since moved back into his mother's house (aha!) because they're in the midst of selling their home. Ok, so that's temporary. I might be willing to overlook that part...if he turns out to be nice. He has two boys; they're four and two years old. He says that his ex-wife is still very bitter and angry with him, and so they only communicate through their lawyers. Yikes...that doesn't sound very good at all. In fact, when he picks up the kids, he does so at his mother-in-law's place, because his ex-wife doesn't want to see him at all. Hmmm...I can't help but wonder why.

I ask him point blank if he really feels ready to be out there dating again. From an outsider's point of view it seems so fresh and raw still. He was a bit insulted by this, and again, insisted that he's ready. Who am I to assume that he's not? He also mentioned that he's already been out on a few dates. None of which have really been anything special. He likes that I seem 'normal', and 'down-to-earth'. I also like this about him. He really seems like a relaxed and easy going kind of guy. That's why I'm so curious as to why his ex-wife hates him so passionately. I ask him if she's Italian as well. He says no. Hmmm.

So, I'm a bit on the fence with him. He's very sweet when he talks with me. But there are some little things that I'm not sure about. For instance, I have a feeling that he's kind of religious. I'm not religious at all, but I think I'm quite spiritual. He's asked me about my thoughts on God a few times...that's not exactly online dating small talk! Plus, then this whole thing with his ex-wife hating him so much...I'm just not sure. But, there's something about him that I do like. Besides, it's a date, not an arranged marriage!

So I decide to accept his offer and go out for drinks with him.

Date Night

We decide to meet at a popular bookstore at Yonge and Eglinton because that's close to where he works. He's there by the magazines and sees me right away. He has a small bouquet of red roses for me. Now, you're going to hate me, but even though I thought that it was a sweet gesture, I was a bit annoyed by it because now I have to carry around a bouquet of roses all night! Men! they just can't win.
I take a moment to size him up. He's wearing a gorgeous suit. He looks older than in his pictures. I wonder when those pictures were taken. He looks good, and he's wearing nice glasses. But I can tell right away that I'm not really attracted to him. When I meet a guy, I'm looking for that tingly feeling. I don't feel it with him.

So we walk to a restaurant nearby, and we get a table. It's late, and we've both already eaten. But we share a bottle of wine and some appetizers. And we talk.
I ask him about the motorcycle he has up on his profile. He says that he no longer has it, that he sold it in 2002. I see! So that picture is at least 8 years ago...I thought so. Good detective work Girl Friday!

We talk about travelling. He loves to travel. In fact, he has a house in Aruba...Hmmm...can I muster up that tingly feeling after all? Please, go on, tell me about your house in Aruba. Well, it's not as big as his house in Italy...
Oh really? Hmmm...please do tell! (and yet you're currently living with your mother!)
Damn...still no tingles.

He tells me about the part of Italy that his family is from. It's in the South, close to Sicily. We talk about Italy for a while. He shows me this big gold ring that he's got on. He explains how he and all his close friends from back home have the same one. He also mentions to me that they've all got similar tattoos as well. Hmmm...I like guys who have tattoos, it's one of my weaknesses. I ask him what it is and where it is on his body. He tells me that he's got a large tattoo of the Virgin Mary on his back. OMG! Not exactly what I expected him to say. Umm...that's not sexy!

He asks me about my ex-husband and what our relationship is like. I tell him that we get along fine, and that we've managed to stay quite amicable. He tells me about his ex-wife and how they don't get along. They literally do not speak to each other at all. That doesn't sound good. To me, it seems like he's still got a lot of stuff to work out. I try to steer the conversation into a new direction, but he keeps bringing it up. It is clear to me that he needs to talk about it all, and that he has some issues to resolve. I feel more like a therapist than his date.
"First date" etiquette- Rule #1: don't talk about your ex all night!! it's ok, I don't mind if we talk about them for a few minutes, but not all night. What a way to kill the mood!

Since, it's clear to me, that this date is a bust, I decide to let him talk and get it off his chest. Why am I so nice?
He asks me if I'm a religious person. I tell him, no, not really.
"So you don't believe in God?" he asks.
"First date" etiquette- Rule #2: don't talk about religion!! Another way to kill the mood.

He tells me that he had an affair with another woman. Ahhhhhhhhh...I see.
"First date" etiquette- Rule#3: don't tell the girl that you're trying to impress that you've cheated on your ex-wife!! There's no mood left to kill. He says that his marriage was over long ago, and that he fell for another woman.
Well, no wonder your ex-wife doesn't want to talk to you right now. I can't blame her for that!
This date is over as far as I'm concerned.
All I'm looking for is someone who has their life more or less in order. Is that too much to ask?! Someone who is content with their life. Someone who is easy going and fun. No drama please. I don't even know what to say to him.

It's getting really late, and I'm tired now from the therapy session, so I tell him that I must go. He drives me home. When we get to my place, I thank him, and tell him that I don't think this is going to work. I explain that I just want to be with someone who's life isn't in turmoil right now. I want it to be easy. He wants to see me again. Why? Didn't I just explain that I wasn't interested? Why do I always have to spell it out for them?! It's painful! Let me try it in a language that he should understand.

Aurevoir, Good-bye, Adios... Arrivederci Signor Espresso!