in the mood for love

Ok, so I was online one night, and I noticed that I received an email from another cute Asian guy. His email said: "You should wear your vintage hats out!" In my profile, I mention that I collect vintage hats, but that "I only wear them in the house..." So I click on his profile to see what he's about. He has some cool pictures of himself up. He's a photographer. He's athletic, he plays volleyball in a league. He loves movies. We actually seem to have a lot in common. So I decide to respond to his email.
The next day, he sends me an email asking me what movies I like. In particular, if there are any recent ones that I've seen lately that impressed me with their dialogue (in my profile, I mention that I like old movies because they always have great dialogue).
Well, at least I know he's read my profile!

Let's just call him: Mr. Volleyball.

After sending a few emails back and forth we decide to talk on MSN one night. We have an AWESOME conversation. He's really funny. We talked about all kinds of things. He told me about how he wants to learn Cantonese, but that his mother (who speaks Mandarin) wouldn't approve. I told him that he should learn it in secret...how "scandalous!" I said. He laughed at that. He's a CBC (which is a new term for me...a Canadian Born Chinese). He's never been to China, and he doesn't really speak Chinese.
We talked about life and the places that we've lived. We talked about the countries that we've travelled to, and where our favourite trips have been. His was a road trip in Europe, whereas mine was a trip to China. I told him that in a past life I was Chinese! (I really believe that!) He laughed and said: "shopping at T&T doesn't make you Chinese in a past life!" So then I went into more detail...and I think I've got him partially convinced. We then talked about what kinds of food we love and what our last meals on earth would be. I told him about my love of desserts. He said that he's got a banana cream pie in the fridge as we speak...birds of a feather...

He's really into movies and so naturally we talked about what types of films we like. From the French film makers like Goddard and movies like Les Parapluies de Cherbourg, to the old classics to current film makers like Tarantino. He then asked me if there were any Asian film makers that I liked. Without hesitation, I said "Yes, one of my most favourite directors is Asian". He said "Really? Who?" I said "Wong Kar Wai".
He told me that he was very impressed. He said that many of his Asian friends don't even know who he is. He also loves him. He asked me which one of his films was my favourite. I said "Chungking Express".

Now if you haven't seen a Wong Kar Wai film, you truly are missing out. His films are exquisite. They are amazing. They usually take place in Hong Kong, and are so beautiful- visually and thematically. They're always about heartbreak and love, and the connections (no matter how small) that people have between each other. I urge you to see Chungking Express. At the time, it had a huge impact on my life!

I asked him which one he liked the most. He said that Chungking Express was awesome, but that without a doubt his favourite is "in the mood for love".

That one is sooooooooo good...so romantic...

I need to take a deep breath for a moment here.

Right then and there, I decide that I must meet this guy.

He asks me if I'd like to go out sometime. I say "are you free tomorrow night?" He says yes, and then we discussed what we should do...from meeting at T&T for a shopping date...to finding an indoor arena to go ice skating in!!! This guys is totally right up my alley. Oh, no!!!

Date Nights

For our first date, we met at Yonge and Dundas and simply walked West. We walked and talked along Queen St. until we found a cool place to eat. We chose a Tibetan restaurant, which was perfect. It didn't really matter though, because we could have been anywhere our conversation was just so great. It was effortless and fun. We ended the night by walking back to Yonge and Dundas. As we walked we kissed a few times and he held my hand, which was cute. We made plans to see each other again. What a great date!

So over the course of a few weeks we've had a few dates here and there. Movie nights, shopping together, long walks...but my favourite date was when he took me out for sushi...

Again, we met at Yonge and Dundas. This time he wanted to take me to his favourite sushi restaurant. It was a nice place. It felt really Japanese in the sense that it felt like a place that I would go to when I lived in Japan. Right away he scored huge points with me because he ordered us some hot sake. Most people like it cold, but I love it hot. That was a good sign. When it came time to order food, he asked me what I wanted and said that he likes everything...how nice! Much better than my last sushi experience! We have the same taste in food as well. We shared everything and talked and talked and talked. We talked a lot about movies. I think I impressed him with the amount of Asian films that I've seen. What impressed me the most about him, was his sense of humour. We find the same things funny. We left the restaurant and went to a popular dessert place for some cake. (I love that thanks to my 'catch phrase' every date ends with cake!!)
But ladies, the date didn't actually end with cake...it ended with me inviting him back to my place!!! So he came home with me that night...and it was great! That was my first time sleeping with an Asian guy!! Hurray!! He knows what he's doing, and he's "here to represent!"- his words, not mine. The next morning we slept in and then we went out for breakfast. It was fun! He couldn't keep his hands off me!

This guy is fun, and kind of kinky. He was the one that asked me online one night if he could eat a piece of cake off my belly...Another night we were talking online and he asked me to send him a sexy picture of myself...so I agreed and took a few shots of myself in a really sexy bra...and I emailed them to him.
He emails me back and says "did you send them?" I said yes, and double checked his email address which is his name at gmail...
He emails again...still nothing!!! So then I repeat his email address to him, and he says "NOOO!! My name plus '88' at gmail..."
Ohhhhhhhhh Nooooooooo!!!!! I've just sent half naked pictures of myself to some random Chinese man!!! I call him immediately and he's laughing so hard he can barely talk to me!! So not funny!!!! Actually, it's hilarious!! I can't stop laughing either. I beg him to send a half naked picture of himself to the same address as a joke, but he won't!
Finally, I send him my pictures again because he's really dying to see them now. He says that the 'other' guy will be pretty thrilled when he opens up his email!!

So we continue to have a good time together out on dates and in the bedroom. Although, if I must compare...Mr. Trouble has got him beat in that department. However, we can actually carry on a real conversation...

One night we're in bed, and he asks me if I'm seeing other guys...here we go...
I tell him that I've been out on a few dates. He asks if I've had sex with any of them.

Ok, Girl Friday...think about this carefully...you like this guy...
Ok, so I was partially honest with him. I told him yes, with one guy, but that it's now over (small lie) because we didn't really have anything in common (completely true).

He says, "A white guy?"...

Ok, Girl Friday...think about this carefully...you like this guy...
Ummm...no...

He's a little surprised because he knows that he's the first Asian guy that I've been with...it takes him a moment...and then he clues in. "A Black dude?" he says.

Ummm...yes...

I immediately regret telling him the truth. He won't let it go. He wants to know what he's like in bed. How they quite literally 'compare' to each other. I don't divulge that information. In fact, I tell him that I really like being with him, and that I love that we have so much in common. He equates this to him not being as 'good' in bed...

Things kind of go downhill from there. Over the next few weeks, he's really hot and cold with me. I'm realising that he's actually quite insecure. He keeps sending me all these mixed messages...I'm totally confused. Sometimes he tells me that he doesn't want anything serious. That he wants it to be 'casually intimate'. I say that's fine with me. Then he'll change his tune and says that he wants me all to himself, and gets upset when I tell him that I've got plans without him. Other times, he's making sure that I know that we're not 'exclusive'. My gut says that he likes me, but maybe I'm totally wrong. He definitely doesn't want me to know it, if he does.
I like this guy, but it's starting to not be much fun anymore- outside and inside the bedroom. Oh man...what have I done?

I know exactly what I've done! I was honest with him! Lesson learned. Lie when it comes to sex. Even when you think they're mature enough for the real answer to the question THAT THEY ASKED...lie!

And so ladies, unfortunately, life imitates art in this one...

Just like in the film...the main characters who are so completely perfect for each other in every way...somehow manage to let it all fall through their fingers...and they move on...apart...

fin

It's not me, it's you

Ok, so I was online one night checking to see if I had any new smiles etc. and I noticed that I received a smile from an Asian guy. I've never dated an Asian guy before. I'm not sure why that is. I click on his picture to get a better look. He's cute! So I take a look at his profile. He's 40, has a son, enjoys his career and seems pretty happy with his life. The only thing missing, is that he wants to find someone to share it with. Sounds ok, but still, I'm a bit on the fence. Then I read the last line of his profile where he explains what he's looking for in a woman: "An antidote to my intensity. Someone I can trust implicitly, respect intellectually, and desire infinitely."

Sold!

Let's just call him: Mr. Serious.

I immediately respond with a smile back. He sends me an email, and so we talk that way back and forth for a bit. It turns out we really have a lot in common. He lived in Japan for a long time. So we instantly had a connection there. His son was actually born in Japan. He sends me little emails in Japanese, which I love. He's Korean, but he speaks Japanese as well. He loves travelling and has been all over the world. He owns a house in the Annex and lives there with his son. His ex-wife is no longer in the picture. She lives in California, and chooses not to be in her son's life. So he's raising his son on his own, with the help of his family who also live in the city. I can tell that this guy isn't like the other ones. He's serious. He wants to find a partner.

We exchange email addresses and decide to talk on MSN. We have some amazing conversations. He's so intense. I like everything he says. We seem to be cut from the same cloth. It's actually a bit scary how we have the same thoughts, and finish each other's sentences. Now I'm starting to get nervous that I'm going to fall for this guy. I've only seen one picture of him, and I've never even heard his voice, but I think he might be the one. This is crazy!

Over the next few days, we talk about everything from marriage to meditation. Finally, I say to him that we should meet. I tell him that even though it's a school night, I promise to have him home at a reasonable hour! He think's that's great, but can't because he's actually in Kingston right now for work. WHAT!??! He's working for the military in Kingston, and will be there until the end of February. I knew it!! Just too good to be true!! But, he says that he'll be back this weekend. The only thing is I've got other dates this weekend, and so I can't meet up with him. I don't tell him this of course...I just make up an excuse. He says that he won't be back until two weeks from then, and so we decide to meet up then.

We continue to talk on MSN, and things are starting to get a bit sexy. He's telling me what he wants in a woman, and what he finds attractive etc. I tell him what I like as well. Then he asks me if he can call me because he wants to hear my voice. I say sure! So he calls me.

His voice doesn't match what I thought he'd sound like at all. I thought his voice would be kind of deep and sexy, but it's not! In fact, it's kind of turning me off. I'm assuming that he's going to want to keep our sexy online conversation going, but instead he just keeps talking about his job, and how stressful it is. I sympathize, but I'm not really interested in talking about that. I keep trying to steer the conversation in another direction, but he keeps bringing it back. He's not one to really joke around either. He doesn't make any jokes or try to get me to laugh. Then I notice, that he hasn't really asked me any questions. So I ask him why that is, and isn't there anything about me that he wants to know. He says that he has a pretty good idea of what I'm about. This surprises me. So you've got me all figured out...I kind of take offence to this. This conversation is boring me, and so I tell him that I have to go...

The next day, he sends me this amazing email, and I'm excited about him again. This is so confusing. It's like he's two people. His online personality makes my heart swoon, but when I talk to him in person, he totally falls flat. The only thing I can think of, is that maybe he's a bit nervous on the phone.
I send him a test to complete! Things like: tea vs. coffee, getting up early vs. sleeping in late, Paris vs. Barcelona...you get the picture. All day he texted me his responses. He passed the test with flying colours. So now I'm reassured that I like this guy and that I still want to meet him.
So we decide to meet and go out for dinner on the Saturday when he gets back into town.

Date Night

I'm a bit nervous for this one. I really feel a connection with this guy, and I'm worried that when I meet him, there won't be any chemistry. This time, it takes me forever to decide what to wear.

I take the subway to meet him, and I bring my ipod to listen to on my way. It randomly shuffles and plays all my favourite songs as I'm on the subway! I take this as a good sign, and so I relax a bit. This date is going to be memorable...I can just feel it!
We agreed to meet at the subway and walk to Korea town and have dinner at his friend's sushi restaurant.

When we finally meet, I think to myself "Yeah, he's cute". Then he opens his mouth...and this is the first thing he says to me: "Is that your winter coat? I thought you'd show more skin." Ah, did you just actually say that? Then I notice the shoes that he's got on. They have slight heels, or like platforms, so as to make him look taller. I just keep my mouth shut. That's rich him telling me that he'd thought I'd show more skin. What a thing to say! Meanwhile he's wearing high heels!

So we're at the restaurant, and he immediately orders a bottle of sake, which is good. I love sake; and I have a feeling that I'm going to need a drink tonight! He then proceeds to order for us. He doesn't even ask me what I like, or if there's something that I DON'T like. He just goes for it. I suppose some women like it when guys order for them. I'm not really one of them. I didn't like it. But still, I keep thinking give him a chance...sometimes I feel that I'm way too picky about little things and that I should relax a bit more with this stuff.

He tells me about his family. He tells me about his ex-wife and how recently she has expressed an interest in having a relationship with her son. I tell him that this is wonderful. He doesn't agree. I've opened up a sore spot with him. I quickly realize that even though it was ten years ago, he still has a lot of anger and resentment towards her. That is none of my business, but it makes me unsure about him. He is intense, but maybe not in the way that I thought. I don't want to spend my time with someone who is angry. I can't.

He asks me if I'm going out on other dates. I'm not sure what to say, but before I even get the chance to respond, he says "Because I'm a very jealous guy, and if you're with me, you're with me that's it." Hello!! This is technically our first date. I know we've been chatting for a few weeks, but come on!

He tells me about his cottage and how when "we" go up there, he wants to take me to some place (I forget what he said). I stopped listening after he said "we"...he just assumes that I would want to go. He's acting like we're already a couple! Oh man! How could I have gotten it so wrong?!
Now my main concern is: How am I going to survive this date?

He's orders another bottle of sake, and it dawns on me that maybe he's trying to get me drunk. I tell him that we need to order more food because I'm feeling tipsy. So we do.
I ask him again how come he never has any questions about me or my life. Again he tells me that he's got me all figured out. I tell him that I'm offended by that. Realizing that I'm not amused, he tries to back pedal a bit. I think it's dawning on him that maybe I'm not having as much fun as he seems to be; and that maybe the night isn't going to end the way that he's got planned. I was actually thinking (before I met him-how funny is that statement?!) that the only question mark that I have about him, is whether or not we're compatible in bed. I was actually entertaining the thought of inviting him back to my place if I really liked him. Well, not anymore...

The date just goes downhill from there. It's too much to go into really. There were so many little things that I couldn't believe that he was actually saying to me...like how is sister-in-law doesn't have 'childbearing hips'...don't even ask! To that he knew that I wouldn't be fat. To that he never uses condoms, and so when (not IF, but WHEN) I go home with him tonight, I need to be prepared for that.
Ok, am I on candid camera?
I think this guy might be a little bit unstable...Hmmm. How am I going to get out of this?

This is what I WANT to say to him (and do later in an email):
"I've just met you for the first time in person. We met, on an INTERNET DATING SITE!! What makes you think that I would EVER have sex with someone like you who clearly has no idea how to talk to and treat a woman!! I would never have unprotected sex with a guy I just met! What are you thinking?! You are crazy."

But in the interest of self-preservation this is what I ACTUALLY said to him:
"Slow down, I've just met you for the first time! I'm not the type of girl to have sex on the first date. Plus, I don't even really know you YET, and so safe sex is a must. I'm really sorry about that. In fact, I'm slightlysurprised that you don't feel the same way considering that you don't even know me!"

Wow, what a mistake I have made. How could something look so good on paper, but be so awful in reality?
(Communism, flowbee, Colin Farrell,...ok, so it's possible)

I keep it light, and finish my drink etc. and then I say the standard "Wow, look at the time, I should be going". He's a bit surprised and asks me if I'd like to see his house. (Nice try). I say "Next time". He insists on walking me to the subway (what a gentleman!). I say goodnight and that I'll call him tomorrow (which of course I don't).

Amazing. Never in my life have I ever been such a poor judge of character. That was nuts!

Memorable alright! A night I won't easily forget.

Text and the City

Ok, so now I remember why people get married!!! Dating is too much work! I'm exhausted! You have to be so organized. You have to look good all the time! You have to have witty things to say, and laugh at their jokes. You have to have fresh breath in the morning and smell good all the time. This is serious work! You have to remember what outfits you wore and with whom! In retrospect, I should have made it easier on myself, and wore the same thing with each date. For date one...black dress. Date two...green sexy dress. Date three...jeans and low-cut shirt etc.
But the most important thing ladies...is that you have to remember what you've said to each guy and not get them mixed up. They don't like it when you say things like "So you were in Japan for a while, so was I..." and they say: "No, I've never been to Japan before." Right, sorry about that. AWKWARD!!!
Or when you run into someone you know on the street and you introduce them to your "friend", and it takes you two seconds too long...to remember their name. In those two seconds he knows that he's not the only guy taking you out these days. Again kind of AWKWARD!!!

I'm currently involved (in one way or another) with three guys. I've had sex with two of them, and I'm not going to have sex with the third because that's way too trashy-even for me. One has to go before I introduce the third into my life that way.

Like I've said before, dating has changed since I was last on the scene. Things are so complicated now. The other day, I received text messages from all three of them all day. It is so hard trying to keep three separate conversations going at the same time! Thankfully, they have such different personalities that so far I haven't slipped up. Mr. Trouble is easy because he's always got the sexual innuendoes in his messages. I've got him figured out.
The other two guys, take more work. I haven't even gotten to them on the blog yet. All I'll say, is that they're both Asian...which is a new thing for me! For some reason, I don't know why, I've never dated an Asian guy before.

To make things easier for myself, I usually start all the conversations pretty much the same way, and so at first it's fine because I'm asking them the same questions and they're basically giving me the same answers. Then the conversations go in different directions. Like I mentioned with Mr. Trouble...it always goes back to sex. With Asian Guy #1-whom from now on, I'm going to call: Mr. Volleyball (I will blog about him soon). He and I have so much in common and we truly have a great time together. Our conversations are great. No effort is needed to keep them going. He makes me laugh all the time. I get excited when I see a text from him, because I know it's going to be sweet. We might actually like each other.
Asian Guy #2-whom from now on I'm going to call: Mr. Serious is a bit harder. He always brings the conversation back to his work, which I don't find all that interesting. (I will blog about him soon as well).

Mr. Volleyball and Mr. Serious have the same initials. Both their first names start with "J" and their last names start with "L". So naturally, they are right next to each other in my contact list on my phone. I can't tell you how many times I've had a slight panic attack thinking that I've just sent a text to the wrong one. I swear my heart stops for a second every time. Something's got to give, because it's just a matter of time before I screw up and get caught.

We text each other all the time, and yet we rarely speak to each other on the phone. At first I thought that it was kind of strange to talk that way instead of actually 'talking' to each other. But, now I think that in some ways it's more freeing. Some people don't like to talk on the phone, and are therefore nervous. This way, there are no awkward silences, and you have a moment to think of something sexy or funny to say. I am much more bold when I text them, than when I talk to them on the phone. For example, one of them jokingly asked me if I would let him eat a piece of cake off my belly. I responded: "That depends on whether you plan to use a fork or your tongue"!!! I would never have the guts to be so bold on the phone.

It's funny when you actually speak to them for the first time. You've had this idea in your mind through the conversations online, what they're like, and so when you hear their voice for the first time, sometimes it doesn't match your idea of them. I immediately liked the sound of Mr. Trouble's voice, and I also loved the sound of Mr. Volleyball's voice. They both matched my idea of what they would sound like. Mr. Serious however, didn't match. I haven't blogged about him yet, but online and in his text messages, he seems very passionate and intense. So, when I heard him talk the first time, I was quite surprised because he didn't sound that way at all. Plus, he was so boring to talk to on the phone. I was so confused about him, because we would have such great conversations online, and yet he seemed so flat on the phone. But, like I mentioned before, some people just don't like to talk on the phone.

When Mr. Volleyball and I decided to meet and go out for the first time, he actually said to me, before he called me to discuss what we wanted to do, that he hoped that I would like the sound of his voice. I laughed and said that I'm sure that I would. So when he called me, he purposely put on a really silly squeaky voice as he said hello. I laughed, and then he spoke to me with his real voice. I instantly liked him.

Texting is just one element. Then there's MSN. Now that is really tricky. It's not easy having three conversations at the same time on MSN. Plus, I'm now also trying to hide from a few guys that I added to my contact list...like "The Kid" who still doesn't get it! So I'll be online talking to one of them, and then another one wants to talk. Plus then, "The Kid" will initiate a conversation. After half an hour my head is spinning and I feel so guilty. But then, I always have to remember that most likely, they're doing the exact same thing! None of us have said that we're 'exclusive' and so...this is just how you play the game. It's a real game alright. In fact, it's kind of a full time job, and I'm not sure I'm cut out for it! I don't like lying. But you have to. You can't tell someone that you're also seeing an awesome Black guy who makes your toes curl when you're together...right?! Just like I wouldn't want to know who Mr. Volleyball is with when I'm not around. We've all agreed to lie to each other. This is how it works. It's a little bit crazy, but my eyes are fully open, and I take everything they say with a grain of a salt.

Even though we're all on the same page, I still feel pangs of guilt about seeing more than one guy at a time. I keep having to remind myself that this is actually ok, and that it is what I should be doing right now. I haven't found anyone that I would want to be 'exclusive' with yet, and so why not play the field? I don't need to feel bad about seeing more than one guy.

Would a guy feel bad?

"Your Honour, I rest my case"...

Cougartown

So I'm online one evening and I notice that I've got a new message. I click on his profile. "Wow, he's cute" I think to myself, and then I notice his age...
The message says "Hey where is this so-called cake?"
I email back "I'm not very good at sharing...but I'm working on it."
He then responds "Awww...not even one bite?"

Let's just call him: The Kid.
I think to myself, "well, he initiated the conversation, so why not?"
He's 26 years old!

Now ladies, let's discuss for a moment the term "Cougar".
Is there an age that you hit...say 45, when you're then considered a cougar? Or is it the age difference between the two of you that makes you a cougar? Yeah, I thought so too. Damn! I'm a cougar!

Immediately I can tell that we have some differences. He likes to snowboard. No seriously!
Last year I went tobagganing with my nephew, and I had a bruise on my butt for three weeks! That hill was slick. A sheet of ice really...very dangerous.
Instead of saying yes, he says "yuppers". LOL! What am I thinking?
He goes jogging every morning with his dog Comet. I think about jogging (sometimes) as I'm hitting the snooze button.

He's nice though, and he calls me sweetie. He says that he loves art, cooking and travelling. At least we have that in common, right?!

After talking one night on MSN, he asks me if I'd like to meet him for a drink Friday night. I say yes. He lives in the West and I live in the East, so we decide to meet in the middle. He suggests a nice area that's not too far from me, and says "Let's meet there around 10:00." I'm spotting another difference...usually I'm in bed by 10:00!! I think I can make an exception this time.

So we leave it at that, and I don't really hear from him that much...the odd text here and there. I'm thinking to myself "Wow, I don't really know very much about this guy at all." He never really talked about himself that much, like what he does or if he lives alone or has roommates. Then I think to myself..."What if this guy still lives at home?" Is that possible? I moved out of my parent's place when I was 17 to go to university. These days, 30 is the new 20...so now I'm not sure.

Cougar or no cougar I cannot date a guy who lives with his mother! That's ridiculous!
But I can't bring myself to ask him.

Ok, so now I'm thinking back over our conversations. I remember once he said that he was "taking the day off work to go up to his cottage to close it down for the year." Ok, so he didn't say "I'm taking the day off school" that's good.
One night he told me that he was making pasta. I remember because he said "yum yum" in the message. This guy is young! What am I doing?

What the hell! He's cute. Plus, more than anything I'm just so curious as to why he'd be interested in me...a 35 year old single mom. Then I think, "what if he never really looked at my profile" maybe he just looked at the small part (that you then click on to see the rest). Perhaps he just thought that I looked cute, and didn't really read further. Then I think, hmmm, he's never asked me about my son.

I have a feeling that this date is going to go terribly wrong.

Or...maybe he has a thing for older women. Ladies, we'll just have to wait and see.

Date Night:

He tells me that he'd like to meet in Yorkville, which is a trendy part of the city, and not too far for either of us to get to. So, I think "Hmm, maybe this guy has potential after all". He says that he's going to text me where to meet. I say that's fine.
So I'm getting dressed and this time, I feel that jeans are more my style being that he's a younger guy. So I choose my sexiest jeans to wear. I think for a moment about whether I should wear my Issey Miyake perfume...perhaps it'll be too much for him! Oh, well, I'll wear it.

I get his text, and he wants to meet at this sports bar/family restaurant. Usually, I leave the names of the places out, but ladies, this time I'm going to include it for full impact: Jack Astor's.
What? There is no way that there's a Jack Astor's in Yorkville. No way! So I Google it. It's not in Yorkville at all! It's close-by, but still. I have a bad feeling about this.

This time, I'm in no rush to get there. The weather is foul. So I decide to take a taxi. Even still, of course, I arrive exactly on time.

He's waiting with a drink at the bar. He's here before me. Hmmm. He sees me right away, and comes over to meet me. He's really tall. I like his clothes and he's wearing cool shoes, but I know instantly that I'm not attracted to him.
He goes in for a kiss on the cheek and we sit down at a table. The table has brown paper on it, and a plastic cup with crayons (for the kids). Oh man...Toto we're not in Yorkville anymore...

He never stops talking. He's one of those people who doesn't like those little moments of silence that natural conversations have. He just talks and talks and talks. In fact, I think this cougar makes him slightly nervous. I should eat him for my appetizer and then move on.

But no, I sit there in awe of how much he can talk about himself. Now he's talking about how he's unsure as to what direction he wants his life to go in. I think to myself "This is why my 'dating search' is strictly between the ages of 35-40. I know what I want,and I want the guy to know what he wants too. I have no time for this!

It's only been an hour and I'm looking for anyway out.

He works in retail, but is thinking of getting into photography (cheque please!).
He wants to be a wedding photographer! OMG. Why am I here? Well, I know why I'm here! I should have known better.

So I decide to give him some advice. I'm giving him career advice, what a hot date! I even tell him that I'll put him in touch with a friend of mine who's a professional photographer. That way, he could ask him what steps etc. he took in becoming a photographer. I just want out of this date.

I switch to water...and he still doesn't get the hint. He orders two more beers...and tries to kiss me over the table twice!
Finally I ask him about why he 'smiled' at me, considering that I'm older than him. He says that things like age don't bother him. I tell him that I never would have found him because I don't search for people his age, and that I'm not really interested...
He wants to know if I'd like to go to his cottage sometime.

Ok, have I been speaking in French this whole time?! I just told him that he basically has no chance, and that is what he says!

I tell him that he's a nice guy, but I'm just not interested because we're in two different stages of our lives and I'm looking for someone who has their life in order.
He wants to know if I'd like to go to a hockey game sometime because his family has season tickets. Still not getting the message. I thank him for the date and say that it's time for me to go. He says he'll talk to me tomorrow. Fine.

Just not getting it.
Maybe I should have taken advantage of the crayons on the table and drawn this guy a picture.

Mmmmuscles...

So one morning I was up kind of early and I thought that I'd just log on to the dating site as I drink my coffee. You know to check out if I received any new smiles etc. This message pops up in the instant message part(where you can chat live). The guy says: "You are stunning. May I introduce myself?"
I click delete, because my friend told me not to bother with instant messaging. So that was that, and on I went with my day...

Let's just call him: the guy I plan to have lots of sex with...no that's no catchy enough.
Hmmm. I know!
Let's just call him: Mr. Trouble.

A few nights later, I was on again and he pops up and wants to talk. So this time, I click on his profile and read what it says about him. It doesn't say very much actually. What I do know is that he's Black, 5"10. He was born in Trinidad. Lived in New York and Germany for a while, likes motorcycles and going out to dance clubs. He's 37. He likes to stay fit and often goes to the gym. He's cute! Mmmmuscles!!!

So I engage. I respond to his instant message. I can't remember what we talked about. I think I said something like "I'm not really one for instant messaging, email me..." And he said "I'm not really one for email", and gave me his phone number. This guy gives me tingles.

So the next day, I call him. I instantly like the sound of his voice. It's both smooth and deep. I ask him what he's doing, and he tells me that he's at Future Shop buying a T.V.

Ah, what? That's not sexy. So he's telling me about the T.V. that he's buying...
Ah, excuse me? That's not sexy. Why answer your phone? I ask him if I should call him later, or would he like to call me when he's done with his T.V. He says no, that he's at the cash right now and so he can talk. Fine. So we have a weird conversation where he's partly talking about extended warantees (I guess with the sales person) and then he comes back to me and asks me something about my life. I do remember that he asked me where I lived twice. Pay attention please! There will be a test!
Anyway, then he tells me that he's home and that he has to let me go because he's going to lose reception when he goes into the underground parking of his condo. I say fine. He says that he'll call me back. Hmmm...Girl Friday, trust your gut!

So I wait for a bit, and then I think "he's not calling". I decide to go online (why not right?) as I'm waiting. He's there and he instant messages me "I lost your number", so I give it to him, but he wants to talk online...I do for a bit, and then I tell him that I've got to go. Trust your gut! I think this guy is a total player.

So over the next week or so he calls me at odd times like 2:30 in the afternoon. I call him back and I get his voicemail. We talk occasionally, but never for very long. Basically, we keep leaving messages on each other's voicemail. Finally, I just decide to throw away his number and delete him from my phone.

The weekend passes and Sunday night I'm online. Again he pops up, and says something like "I lost your number". I tell him flat out "I think maybe that's a good thing".
"No!" he says, "I really want to meet you".
So we decide for some reason to talk on msn. We have a pretty flirtatious and somewhat "R" rated conversation. In fact, he's managed to make me want to meet him too. This guy is trouble for sure. A total player, I can just tell. I am completely intrigued. Did I mention that he's cute? Mmmmuscles remember? What should we do ladies?

I surrender and tell him that I'm free on Wednesday. We have a date.
Monday morning I get a text from him. It says: Good morning. How's your day so far?
Tuesday afternoon I get a text from him. It says: Anticipating tomorrow night.
Wednesday morning I get a text from him. It says: Are you ready for me???

OMG!

Date Night

So my friend comes over to baby sit for me and this time I'm prepared. His number is programmed into my phone, and I've set up my voicemail! Yay Girl Friday! I'm looking good, and this time I pull out my secret weapon: L'eau (my perfume) by Issey Miyake...no man can resist it.

Off I go to meet him at this nice restaurant nearby. Of course, I'm exactly on time. I tell the waiter that I need a table for two. He seats me near the back, and as I sit down he asks me what perfume I'm wearing (I'm not lying!!). Yes! I think to myself...it's already working. I tell him, and he says that it smells "incredible". I smile and say thanks.

Mr. Trouble arrives and greets me with a hug and a kiss. He says "Wow, you smell great. Nice to finally meet you." Awesome, another man crumbling at my feet...thank-you Issey Miyake! He sits down across the booth from me and tells me that I look beautiful. Aww.

He's more than cute. I can't take my eyes off him! I can see that the feeling is mutual. There's some serious chemistry happening here.

I honestly can not remember what we talked about! What I do remember is when he decided to join me on my side of the booth. He puts his arms around me, hesitates for a second and then kisses me. He just doesn't stop. I forgot how intoxicating it is when you kiss someone new for the first time. Then he orders me a piece of chocolate cake!!! Wow. What more can I say? I get to have my cake and eat it too...

I don't know how I managed to resist him enough to get him to drive me home. Even when he drops me off at my place, he just won't let me go...this guy is hot.

I thank him for the date, and he says that he'll talk to me tomorrow.

I go upstairs and dish with my friend about how awesome the night was!

I don't know how I'm going to fall asleep.

Apparently he feels the same way...he text messaged me four times in the night.

Sorry ladies, those ones are just for me...

Bridget Jones Diary

I've been feeling lately that maybe it's time to put myself out there and get back into the dating scene. I'm sure you can imagine how horrifying that thought is. I haven't been out on a date... a real date, with someone I've just met, in over a decade! I'm not really sure why I want to put myself through this, but I do. I'm not even completely sure that I'm ready for this. Well, there's only one way to find out. I'm going to take that next step. But ladies...I can't take that step alone...no, no, so I'm bringing you along with me!
Are we ready?!! Let's go! How does my hair look?

So the dating scene has changed over the past decade, and I've got to get with the times. Recently, a friend of mine told me about the great luck she had finding her boyfriend online. I've met him and he's fantastic. Yes, I know, online dating? Me?
At first, I wasn't sure. It just seemed so unnatural. I've always been the type of person who believes things happen for a reason, if it's meant to be it's meant to be, and that I would meet someone in an unforced natural setting...

Scenario 1:
Like when I'm volunteering at the orphanage, and the handsome young doctor comes by to make sure all the kids are doing well...our eyes meet...and the rest of course is history.

Scenario 2:
I'm at a small art gallery, inquiring about purchasing some art and a handsome man stands next to me, and asks me if I like the painting that I'm looking at. I tell him no, that it's a bit too 'busy' for where I want to hang it in my place. He looks gutted, and tells me that he's the artist. I take pity on him, and invite him out for dinner...and the rest of course is history.

So...the other night my friend came over and we put me online. I have to admit, it was kind of exciting. My profile is a mixture of light-hearted stuff and a general overview of what my interests are. The only part where I thought, maybe I'm stretching the truth a bit, is where it asks you what outdoor activities you like. One of the things that I clicked was that I like boating and sailing. Well, technically that is true...but I haven't really been sailing since I was a teenager. I can picture the date right now, when he takes me for a sail on Lake Ontario. The weather seemed fine when we left the marina...the wind picks up, and then the rain..."what do you mean you don't really sail?" No, that wouldn't happen, right? What are the chances...

So on this dating site, you need a profile name and a catch phrase.
My name is "yourgirlfriday".
I borrowed this name from one of my favourite old movies. Starring Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell.

His Girl Friday (1940) is Howard Hawk's speedy and hysterically funny, modern-style screwball comedy, and one of the best examples of its kind in film history. Although it has a 92 minute running time, the breath-taking, fast-paced film has more than enough dialogue for a 3-hour movie. The film marked the beginning of a number of screwball comedies in the 1940s that emphasized the conflict for women in deciding between love/marriage and professional careers.

My catch phrase is "I was told there would be cake!"
My friend gave me a bit of a tutorial and then sent me off to search. I kept my search pretty basic...guys between the ages of 35-40, who live within ten miles of me. There were lots of hits.

Bridget Jones Diary:
Let's just call him Mr. Blue Eyes.
So he 'smiled' at me. Which means that he wants you to know that he's interested. Now, I've gotten many smiles, but this was the first one that I 'smiled' back at.
So then, he emailed me "Hi". I emailed back "Hi" (Don't worry, we're not going to be here all night) We talked a bit that way, exchanging emails. He told me a little about himself, and I did the same. (By the way, it says on my profile that I'm a single mom)
So, then he said, let's talk on the phone, and I agreed. He gave me his number and I said that I would call him.
This is exciting. And promising. He seems like a nice, normal guy. He's 6 foot, he likes to play hockey. He wants to spend less time at work...all sounding great.
We talked on the phone, and at first it was a bit strange. But we quickly got over that, and had a nice conversation. So then, he asked me if we'd like to meet. I said sure! So we planned to get together for a drink the following Wednesday.

Date night:
My friend came over to babysit for me. She was helping me put his number into my phone in case I need to call him, and she noticed that I had a new voicemail.
"But I've never set up my voicemail" I say...
"Well you've got a call from someone in the 905 region."
"I don't recognize the number...It's not the one that he gave me so no worries."

This is that scene in the movie when the audience knows, but the main character is left out of the loop.

So off I go, to meet him for 8:30 at this nice bar on Queen St.

Of course, I'm exactly on time.
So I order a drink and wait at the bar.
And wait...and wait...and wait.
I call my friend, and explain, she can't believe it! I've been stood up! The bartender doesn't believe it, Eric McCormack (Will from Will & Grace) who is sitting at the next table, doesn't believe it...I can't believe it! So I finish my drink and leave. I waited half and hour, that is long enough!
As I'm walking to catch the street car, I call Mr. Blue Eyes and get his voicemail. I tell him that I waited and that for a girl who likes to be ontime, half an hour is too much! Oh, and then I say: Don't bother calling me back!

I get in the door to my place, and discuss with my friend...who also fills me in on who was kicked off America's Next Top Model, when my phone rings.
Oh, no, it's him. I say hello, and he's so upset. He asked me if I got his voicemail this morning. He left it at 9:00 am, so that I would have enough notice. (very thoughtful of him) He used his home phone, so I didn't recognize the number. "Who doesn't have voicemail?!" He's terribly sick, and had to cancel the date. Now, after hearing my message, he thinks that maybe it was for the best. I feel so bad. I felt like Bridget Jones when she puts her foot in her mouth, and then tries to talk her way out of it. Not so good. By the end of the conversation, I had apologized and he said that he'll call me when he's feeling better.

So, it looks like I can use my "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be" philosophy afterall.

So ladies, I'm not holding my breath.