in the mood for love

Ok, so I was online one night, and I noticed that I received an email from another cute Asian guy. His email said: "You should wear your vintage hats out!" In my profile, I mention that I collect vintage hats, but that "I only wear them in the house..." So I click on his profile to see what he's about. He has some cool pictures of himself up. He's a photographer. He's athletic, he plays volleyball in a league. He loves movies. We actually seem to have a lot in common. So I decide to respond to his email.
The next day, he sends me an email asking me what movies I like. In particular, if there are any recent ones that I've seen lately that impressed me with their dialogue (in my profile, I mention that I like old movies because they always have great dialogue).
Well, at least I know he's read my profile!

Let's just call him: Mr. Volleyball.

After sending a few emails back and forth we decide to talk on MSN one night. We have an AWESOME conversation. He's really funny. We talked about all kinds of things. He told me about how he wants to learn Cantonese, but that his mother (who speaks Mandarin) wouldn't approve. I told him that he should learn it in secret...how "scandalous!" I said. He laughed at that. He's a CBC (which is a new term for me...a Canadian Born Chinese). He's never been to China, and he doesn't really speak Chinese.
We talked about life and the places that we've lived. We talked about the countries that we've travelled to, and where our favourite trips have been. His was a road trip in Europe, whereas mine was a trip to China. I told him that in a past life I was Chinese! (I really believe that!) He laughed and said: "shopping at T&T doesn't make you Chinese in a past life!" So then I went into more detail...and I think I've got him partially convinced. We then talked about what kinds of food we love and what our last meals on earth would be. I told him about my love of desserts. He said that he's got a banana cream pie in the fridge as we speak...birds of a feather...

He's really into movies and so naturally we talked about what types of films we like. From the French film makers like Goddard and movies like Les Parapluies de Cherbourg, to the old classics to current film makers like Tarantino. He then asked me if there were any Asian film makers that I liked. Without hesitation, I said "Yes, one of my most favourite directors is Asian". He said "Really? Who?" I said "Wong Kar Wai".
He told me that he was very impressed. He said that many of his Asian friends don't even know who he is. He also loves him. He asked me which one of his films was my favourite. I said "Chungking Express".

Now if you haven't seen a Wong Kar Wai film, you truly are missing out. His films are exquisite. They are amazing. They usually take place in Hong Kong, and are so beautiful- visually and thematically. They're always about heartbreak and love, and the connections (no matter how small) that people have between each other. I urge you to see Chungking Express. At the time, it had a huge impact on my life!

I asked him which one he liked the most. He said that Chungking Express was awesome, but that without a doubt his favourite is "in the mood for love".

That one is sooooooooo good...so romantic...

I need to take a deep breath for a moment here.

Right then and there, I decide that I must meet this guy.

He asks me if I'd like to go out sometime. I say "are you free tomorrow night?" He says yes, and then we discussed what we should do...from meeting at T&T for a shopping date...to finding an indoor arena to go ice skating in!!! This guys is totally right up my alley. Oh, no!!!

Date Nights

For our first date, we met at Yonge and Dundas and simply walked West. We walked and talked along Queen St. until we found a cool place to eat. We chose a Tibetan restaurant, which was perfect. It didn't really matter though, because we could have been anywhere our conversation was just so great. It was effortless and fun. We ended the night by walking back to Yonge and Dundas. As we walked we kissed a few times and he held my hand, which was cute. We made plans to see each other again. What a great date!

So over the course of a few weeks we've had a few dates here and there. Movie nights, shopping together, long walks...but my favourite date was when he took me out for sushi...

Again, we met at Yonge and Dundas. This time he wanted to take me to his favourite sushi restaurant. It was a nice place. It felt really Japanese in the sense that it felt like a place that I would go to when I lived in Japan. Right away he scored huge points with me because he ordered us some hot sake. Most people like it cold, but I love it hot. That was a good sign. When it came time to order food, he asked me what I wanted and said that he likes everything...how nice! Much better than my last sushi experience! We have the same taste in food as well. We shared everything and talked and talked and talked. We talked a lot about movies. I think I impressed him with the amount of Asian films that I've seen. What impressed me the most about him, was his sense of humour. We find the same things funny. We left the restaurant and went to a popular dessert place for some cake. (I love that thanks to my 'catch phrase' every date ends with cake!!)
But ladies, the date didn't actually end with cake...it ended with me inviting him back to my place!!! So he came home with me that night...and it was great! That was my first time sleeping with an Asian guy!! Hurray!! He knows what he's doing, and he's "here to represent!"- his words, not mine. The next morning we slept in and then we went out for breakfast. It was fun! He couldn't keep his hands off me!

This guy is fun, and kind of kinky. He was the one that asked me online one night if he could eat a piece of cake off my belly...Another night we were talking online and he asked me to send him a sexy picture of myself...so I agreed and took a few shots of myself in a really sexy bra...and I emailed them to him.
He emails me back and says "did you send them?" I said yes, and double checked his email address which is his name at gmail...
He emails again...still nothing!!! So then I repeat his email address to him, and he says "NOOO!! My name plus '88' at gmail..."
Ohhhhhhhhh Nooooooooo!!!!! I've just sent half naked pictures of myself to some random Chinese man!!! I call him immediately and he's laughing so hard he can barely talk to me!! So not funny!!!! Actually, it's hilarious!! I can't stop laughing either. I beg him to send a half naked picture of himself to the same address as a joke, but he won't!
Finally, I send him my pictures again because he's really dying to see them now. He says that the 'other' guy will be pretty thrilled when he opens up his email!!

So we continue to have a good time together out on dates and in the bedroom. Although, if I must compare...Mr. Trouble has got him beat in that department. However, we can actually carry on a real conversation...

One night we're in bed, and he asks me if I'm seeing other guys...here we go...
I tell him that I've been out on a few dates. He asks if I've had sex with any of them.

Ok, Girl Friday...think about this carefully...you like this guy...
Ok, so I was partially honest with him. I told him yes, with one guy, but that it's now over (small lie) because we didn't really have anything in common (completely true).

He says, "A white guy?"...

Ok, Girl Friday...think about this carefully...you like this guy...
Ummm...no...

He's a little surprised because he knows that he's the first Asian guy that I've been with...it takes him a moment...and then he clues in. "A Black dude?" he says.

Ummm...yes...

I immediately regret telling him the truth. He won't let it go. He wants to know what he's like in bed. How they quite literally 'compare' to each other. I don't divulge that information. In fact, I tell him that I really like being with him, and that I love that we have so much in common. He equates this to him not being as 'good' in bed...

Things kind of go downhill from there. Over the next few weeks, he's really hot and cold with me. I'm realising that he's actually quite insecure. He keeps sending me all these mixed messages...I'm totally confused. Sometimes he tells me that he doesn't want anything serious. That he wants it to be 'casually intimate'. I say that's fine with me. Then he'll change his tune and says that he wants me all to himself, and gets upset when I tell him that I've got plans without him. Other times, he's making sure that I know that we're not 'exclusive'. My gut says that he likes me, but maybe I'm totally wrong. He definitely doesn't want me to know it, if he does.
I like this guy, but it's starting to not be much fun anymore- outside and inside the bedroom. Oh man...what have I done?

I know exactly what I've done! I was honest with him! Lesson learned. Lie when it comes to sex. Even when you think they're mature enough for the real answer to the question THAT THEY ASKED...lie!

And so ladies, unfortunately, life imitates art in this one...

Just like in the film...the main characters who are so completely perfect for each other in every way...somehow manage to let it all fall through their fingers...and they move on...apart...

fin

It's not me, it's you

Ok, so I was online one night checking to see if I had any new smiles etc. and I noticed that I received a smile from an Asian guy. I've never dated an Asian guy before. I'm not sure why that is. I click on his picture to get a better look. He's cute! So I take a look at his profile. He's 40, has a son, enjoys his career and seems pretty happy with his life. The only thing missing, is that he wants to find someone to share it with. Sounds ok, but still, I'm a bit on the fence. Then I read the last line of his profile where he explains what he's looking for in a woman: "An antidote to my intensity. Someone I can trust implicitly, respect intellectually, and desire infinitely."

Sold!

Let's just call him: Mr. Serious.

I immediately respond with a smile back. He sends me an email, and so we talk that way back and forth for a bit. It turns out we really have a lot in common. He lived in Japan for a long time. So we instantly had a connection there. His son was actually born in Japan. He sends me little emails in Japanese, which I love. He's Korean, but he speaks Japanese as well. He loves travelling and has been all over the world. He owns a house in the Annex and lives there with his son. His ex-wife is no longer in the picture. She lives in California, and chooses not to be in her son's life. So he's raising his son on his own, with the help of his family who also live in the city. I can tell that this guy isn't like the other ones. He's serious. He wants to find a partner.

We exchange email addresses and decide to talk on MSN. We have some amazing conversations. He's so intense. I like everything he says. We seem to be cut from the same cloth. It's actually a bit scary how we have the same thoughts, and finish each other's sentences. Now I'm starting to get nervous that I'm going to fall for this guy. I've only seen one picture of him, and I've never even heard his voice, but I think he might be the one. This is crazy!

Over the next few days, we talk about everything from marriage to meditation. Finally, I say to him that we should meet. I tell him that even though it's a school night, I promise to have him home at a reasonable hour! He think's that's great, but can't because he's actually in Kingston right now for work. WHAT!??! He's working for the military in Kingston, and will be there until the end of February. I knew it!! Just too good to be true!! But, he says that he'll be back this weekend. The only thing is I've got other dates this weekend, and so I can't meet up with him. I don't tell him this of course...I just make up an excuse. He says that he won't be back until two weeks from then, and so we decide to meet up then.

We continue to talk on MSN, and things are starting to get a bit sexy. He's telling me what he wants in a woman, and what he finds attractive etc. I tell him what I like as well. Then he asks me if he can call me because he wants to hear my voice. I say sure! So he calls me.

His voice doesn't match what I thought he'd sound like at all. I thought his voice would be kind of deep and sexy, but it's not! In fact, it's kind of turning me off. I'm assuming that he's going to want to keep our sexy online conversation going, but instead he just keeps talking about his job, and how stressful it is. I sympathize, but I'm not really interested in talking about that. I keep trying to steer the conversation in another direction, but he keeps bringing it back. He's not one to really joke around either. He doesn't make any jokes or try to get me to laugh. Then I notice, that he hasn't really asked me any questions. So I ask him why that is, and isn't there anything about me that he wants to know. He says that he has a pretty good idea of what I'm about. This surprises me. So you've got me all figured out...I kind of take offence to this. This conversation is boring me, and so I tell him that I have to go...

The next day, he sends me this amazing email, and I'm excited about him again. This is so confusing. It's like he's two people. His online personality makes my heart swoon, but when I talk to him in person, he totally falls flat. The only thing I can think of, is that maybe he's a bit nervous on the phone.
I send him a test to complete! Things like: tea vs. coffee, getting up early vs. sleeping in late, Paris vs. Barcelona...you get the picture. All day he texted me his responses. He passed the test with flying colours. So now I'm reassured that I like this guy and that I still want to meet him.
So we decide to meet and go out for dinner on the Saturday when he gets back into town.

Date Night

I'm a bit nervous for this one. I really feel a connection with this guy, and I'm worried that when I meet him, there won't be any chemistry. This time, it takes me forever to decide what to wear.

I take the subway to meet him, and I bring my ipod to listen to on my way. It randomly shuffles and plays all my favourite songs as I'm on the subway! I take this as a good sign, and so I relax a bit. This date is going to be memorable...I can just feel it!
We agreed to meet at the subway and walk to Korea town and have dinner at his friend's sushi restaurant.

When we finally meet, I think to myself "Yeah, he's cute". Then he opens his mouth...and this is the first thing he says to me: "Is that your winter coat? I thought you'd show more skin." Ah, did you just actually say that? Then I notice the shoes that he's got on. They have slight heels, or like platforms, so as to make him look taller. I just keep my mouth shut. That's rich him telling me that he'd thought I'd show more skin. What a thing to say! Meanwhile he's wearing high heels!

So we're at the restaurant, and he immediately orders a bottle of sake, which is good. I love sake; and I have a feeling that I'm going to need a drink tonight! He then proceeds to order for us. He doesn't even ask me what I like, or if there's something that I DON'T like. He just goes for it. I suppose some women like it when guys order for them. I'm not really one of them. I didn't like it. But still, I keep thinking give him a chance...sometimes I feel that I'm way too picky about little things and that I should relax a bit more with this stuff.

He tells me about his family. He tells me about his ex-wife and how recently she has expressed an interest in having a relationship with her son. I tell him that this is wonderful. He doesn't agree. I've opened up a sore spot with him. I quickly realize that even though it was ten years ago, he still has a lot of anger and resentment towards her. That is none of my business, but it makes me unsure about him. He is intense, but maybe not in the way that I thought. I don't want to spend my time with someone who is angry. I can't.

He asks me if I'm going out on other dates. I'm not sure what to say, but before I even get the chance to respond, he says "Because I'm a very jealous guy, and if you're with me, you're with me that's it." Hello!! This is technically our first date. I know we've been chatting for a few weeks, but come on!

He tells me about his cottage and how when "we" go up there, he wants to take me to some place (I forget what he said). I stopped listening after he said "we"...he just assumes that I would want to go. He's acting like we're already a couple! Oh man! How could I have gotten it so wrong?!
Now my main concern is: How am I going to survive this date?

He's orders another bottle of sake, and it dawns on me that maybe he's trying to get me drunk. I tell him that we need to order more food because I'm feeling tipsy. So we do.
I ask him again how come he never has any questions about me or my life. Again he tells me that he's got me all figured out. I tell him that I'm offended by that. Realizing that I'm not amused, he tries to back pedal a bit. I think it's dawning on him that maybe I'm not having as much fun as he seems to be; and that maybe the night isn't going to end the way that he's got planned. I was actually thinking (before I met him-how funny is that statement?!) that the only question mark that I have about him, is whether or not we're compatible in bed. I was actually entertaining the thought of inviting him back to my place if I really liked him. Well, not anymore...

The date just goes downhill from there. It's too much to go into really. There were so many little things that I couldn't believe that he was actually saying to me...like how is sister-in-law doesn't have 'childbearing hips'...don't even ask! To that he knew that I wouldn't be fat. To that he never uses condoms, and so when (not IF, but WHEN) I go home with him tonight, I need to be prepared for that.
Ok, am I on candid camera?
I think this guy might be a little bit unstable...Hmmm. How am I going to get out of this?

This is what I WANT to say to him (and do later in an email):
"I've just met you for the first time in person. We met, on an INTERNET DATING SITE!! What makes you think that I would EVER have sex with someone like you who clearly has no idea how to talk to and treat a woman!! I would never have unprotected sex with a guy I just met! What are you thinking?! You are crazy."

But in the interest of self-preservation this is what I ACTUALLY said to him:
"Slow down, I've just met you for the first time! I'm not the type of girl to have sex on the first date. Plus, I don't even really know you YET, and so safe sex is a must. I'm really sorry about that. In fact, I'm slightlysurprised that you don't feel the same way considering that you don't even know me!"

Wow, what a mistake I have made. How could something look so good on paper, but be so awful in reality?
(Communism, flowbee, Colin Farrell,...ok, so it's possible)

I keep it light, and finish my drink etc. and then I say the standard "Wow, look at the time, I should be going". He's a bit surprised and asks me if I'd like to see his house. (Nice try). I say "Next time". He insists on walking me to the subway (what a gentleman!). I say goodnight and that I'll call him tomorrow (which of course I don't).

Amazing. Never in my life have I ever been such a poor judge of character. That was nuts!

Memorable alright! A night I won't easily forget.