It's not me, it's you

Ok, so I was online one night checking to see if I had any new smiles etc. and I noticed that I received a smile from an Asian guy. I've never dated an Asian guy before. I'm not sure why that is. I click on his picture to get a better look. He's cute! So I take a look at his profile. He's 40, has a son, enjoys his career and seems pretty happy with his life. The only thing missing, is that he wants to find someone to share it with. Sounds ok, but still, I'm a bit on the fence. Then I read the last line of his profile where he explains what he's looking for in a woman: "An antidote to my intensity. Someone I can trust implicitly, respect intellectually, and desire infinitely."

Sold!

Let's just call him: Mr. Serious.

I immediately respond with a smile back. He sends me an email, and so we talk that way back and forth for a bit. It turns out we really have a lot in common. He lived in Japan for a long time. So we instantly had a connection there. His son was actually born in Japan. He sends me little emails in Japanese, which I love. He's Korean, but he speaks Japanese as well. He loves travelling and has been all over the world. He owns a house in the Annex and lives there with his son. His ex-wife is no longer in the picture. She lives in California, and chooses not to be in her son's life. So he's raising his son on his own, with the help of his family who also live in the city. I can tell that this guy isn't like the other ones. He's serious. He wants to find a partner.

We exchange email addresses and decide to talk on MSN. We have some amazing conversations. He's so intense. I like everything he says. We seem to be cut from the same cloth. It's actually a bit scary how we have the same thoughts, and finish each other's sentences. Now I'm starting to get nervous that I'm going to fall for this guy. I've only seen one picture of him, and I've never even heard his voice, but I think he might be the one. This is crazy!

Over the next few days, we talk about everything from marriage to meditation. Finally, I say to him that we should meet. I tell him that even though it's a school night, I promise to have him home at a reasonable hour! He think's that's great, but can't because he's actually in Kingston right now for work. WHAT!??! He's working for the military in Kingston, and will be there until the end of February. I knew it!! Just too good to be true!! But, he says that he'll be back this weekend. The only thing is I've got other dates this weekend, and so I can't meet up with him. I don't tell him this of course...I just make up an excuse. He says that he won't be back until two weeks from then, and so we decide to meet up then.

We continue to talk on MSN, and things are starting to get a bit sexy. He's telling me what he wants in a woman, and what he finds attractive etc. I tell him what I like as well. Then he asks me if he can call me because he wants to hear my voice. I say sure! So he calls me.

His voice doesn't match what I thought he'd sound like at all. I thought his voice would be kind of deep and sexy, but it's not! In fact, it's kind of turning me off. I'm assuming that he's going to want to keep our sexy online conversation going, but instead he just keeps talking about his job, and how stressful it is. I sympathize, but I'm not really interested in talking about that. I keep trying to steer the conversation in another direction, but he keeps bringing it back. He's not one to really joke around either. He doesn't make any jokes or try to get me to laugh. Then I notice, that he hasn't really asked me any questions. So I ask him why that is, and isn't there anything about me that he wants to know. He says that he has a pretty good idea of what I'm about. This surprises me. So you've got me all figured out...I kind of take offence to this. This conversation is boring me, and so I tell him that I have to go...

The next day, he sends me this amazing email, and I'm excited about him again. This is so confusing. It's like he's two people. His online personality makes my heart swoon, but when I talk to him in person, he totally falls flat. The only thing I can think of, is that maybe he's a bit nervous on the phone.
I send him a test to complete! Things like: tea vs. coffee, getting up early vs. sleeping in late, Paris vs. Barcelona...you get the picture. All day he texted me his responses. He passed the test with flying colours. So now I'm reassured that I like this guy and that I still want to meet him.
So we decide to meet and go out for dinner on the Saturday when he gets back into town.

Date Night

I'm a bit nervous for this one. I really feel a connection with this guy, and I'm worried that when I meet him, there won't be any chemistry. This time, it takes me forever to decide what to wear.

I take the subway to meet him, and I bring my ipod to listen to on my way. It randomly shuffles and plays all my favourite songs as I'm on the subway! I take this as a good sign, and so I relax a bit. This date is going to be memorable...I can just feel it!
We agreed to meet at the subway and walk to Korea town and have dinner at his friend's sushi restaurant.

When we finally meet, I think to myself "Yeah, he's cute". Then he opens his mouth...and this is the first thing he says to me: "Is that your winter coat? I thought you'd show more skin." Ah, did you just actually say that? Then I notice the shoes that he's got on. They have slight heels, or like platforms, so as to make him look taller. I just keep my mouth shut. That's rich him telling me that he'd thought I'd show more skin. What a thing to say! Meanwhile he's wearing high heels!

So we're at the restaurant, and he immediately orders a bottle of sake, which is good. I love sake; and I have a feeling that I'm going to need a drink tonight! He then proceeds to order for us. He doesn't even ask me what I like, or if there's something that I DON'T like. He just goes for it. I suppose some women like it when guys order for them. I'm not really one of them. I didn't like it. But still, I keep thinking give him a chance...sometimes I feel that I'm way too picky about little things and that I should relax a bit more with this stuff.

He tells me about his family. He tells me about his ex-wife and how recently she has expressed an interest in having a relationship with her son. I tell him that this is wonderful. He doesn't agree. I've opened up a sore spot with him. I quickly realize that even though it was ten years ago, he still has a lot of anger and resentment towards her. That is none of my business, but it makes me unsure about him. He is intense, but maybe not in the way that I thought. I don't want to spend my time with someone who is angry. I can't.

He asks me if I'm going out on other dates. I'm not sure what to say, but before I even get the chance to respond, he says "Because I'm a very jealous guy, and if you're with me, you're with me that's it." Hello!! This is technically our first date. I know we've been chatting for a few weeks, but come on!

He tells me about his cottage and how when "we" go up there, he wants to take me to some place (I forget what he said). I stopped listening after he said "we"...he just assumes that I would want to go. He's acting like we're already a couple! Oh man! How could I have gotten it so wrong?!
Now my main concern is: How am I going to survive this date?

He's orders another bottle of sake, and it dawns on me that maybe he's trying to get me drunk. I tell him that we need to order more food because I'm feeling tipsy. So we do.
I ask him again how come he never has any questions about me or my life. Again he tells me that he's got me all figured out. I tell him that I'm offended by that. Realizing that I'm not amused, he tries to back pedal a bit. I think it's dawning on him that maybe I'm not having as much fun as he seems to be; and that maybe the night isn't going to end the way that he's got planned. I was actually thinking (before I met him-how funny is that statement?!) that the only question mark that I have about him, is whether or not we're compatible in bed. I was actually entertaining the thought of inviting him back to my place if I really liked him. Well, not anymore...

The date just goes downhill from there. It's too much to go into really. There were so many little things that I couldn't believe that he was actually saying to me...like how is sister-in-law doesn't have 'childbearing hips'...don't even ask! To that he knew that I wouldn't be fat. To that he never uses condoms, and so when (not IF, but WHEN) I go home with him tonight, I need to be prepared for that.
Ok, am I on candid camera?
I think this guy might be a little bit unstable...Hmmm. How am I going to get out of this?

This is what I WANT to say to him (and do later in an email):
"I've just met you for the first time in person. We met, on an INTERNET DATING SITE!! What makes you think that I would EVER have sex with someone like you who clearly has no idea how to talk to and treat a woman!! I would never have unprotected sex with a guy I just met! What are you thinking?! You are crazy."

But in the interest of self-preservation this is what I ACTUALLY said to him:
"Slow down, I've just met you for the first time! I'm not the type of girl to have sex on the first date. Plus, I don't even really know you YET, and so safe sex is a must. I'm really sorry about that. In fact, I'm slightlysurprised that you don't feel the same way considering that you don't even know me!"

Wow, what a mistake I have made. How could something look so good on paper, but be so awful in reality?
(Communism, flowbee, Colin Farrell,...ok, so it's possible)

I keep it light, and finish my drink etc. and then I say the standard "Wow, look at the time, I should be going". He's a bit surprised and asks me if I'd like to see his house. (Nice try). I say "Next time". He insists on walking me to the subway (what a gentleman!). I say goodnight and that I'll call him tomorrow (which of course I don't).

Amazing. Never in my life have I ever been such a poor judge of character. That was nuts!

Memorable alright! A night I won't easily forget.